Day in the Life of a White Fang Grunt
by soulblazar101
Summary: So this will be a bunch of short hopefully funny stories. They won't be long at all.(Unlike my penis) So without further ado the brief summary for the brief stories. Being a grunt is hard work. Being a grunt for a criminal terrorist organization is even harder. (yes penis joke.) While this work is very hard it leaves a lot of time to talk with your pals.
1. Chapter 1

-Somewhere in Vale-

Two guards stood in front of a White Fang safe house. One was tall the other was short. One was funny one was not. One was a deer faunas one was a bear faunas. One was Jim the other was Dex.(You can decide who is who.)

"Hey Dex." Jim said

"Hmm?" Dex asked not paying much attention

"You ever wonder why we're here?" Jim said quoting one of his favorite shows.

"Like in the spiritual and metaphysical sense?"

"No, just ever wonder why other people joined the Fang?" Jim said with a small smirk as the joke passed over Dex's head

"Umm no not really. Both my parents were part of the original White Fang it just made sense to join it. Why did you join up?"

"I mean I got bullied pretty hard(penis joke) as a kid by humans." after a pause he continued "So yeah that's it really." as Jim scratched his head.

A moment of silence passed between the two men

"Hey man do you ever think we go too far. I mean we kill a lot of innocent people right? I assume not everyone we kill is an evil racist human who kills faunas. I mean statistically that's not really that likely." As Dex said this he realised had wanted to get this thought off his head for awhile.

"Yeah I guess that's true." Jim responded with thinking his own thoughts

"Exactly and whenever I ask Adam he's just like 'We will make them fear us.' and he's also like 'For justice.' I mean where does it end?... the complete destruction of humanity? I know a couple of cool humans who look past my heritage." Dex said pushing forward.

"Yeah I never really thought about it."

"Also what does he really hope to do with all his killings. I mean he is probably making life worse for faunas all around the world. Adam wants the faunas around the world to be treated with equality right? Sure in some areas he achieved that but only because humans piss in their pants at the sight of us. So I have to ask is that truly equality? You know what I mean?"

"Yeah I hear you. Maybe Adams just really into BDSM shit." Jim said nonchalantly

"Yeah, wai-what the fuck?" Dex said voice full of shock and confusion.

"Just think about it. He's really into making people suffer and shit. Do you think this is him get rid of his sexual releases?"

"What!? No of course not. I mean he might be cruel but there's no way he's into BDSM. Right?"

"Well c'mon bro maybe that's why Blake left. She might not have been into that shit." Jim said pressing his point

"Noooooo no no no no there is no way that's the case. Blake left because Adam was becoming too violent..."

"In bed?~" Jim said suggestively

The two guards looked at each other.

"OK that doesn't mean he's into BDSM though." Dex said adamantly

"Doesn't it though. Maybe their naughty sex things were getting to wild. Maybe Blake liked it rough but not BDSM. Know what I mean?"

"No" Dex said, he was a devout follower of Oum and refrained from such vulgar sexual actions.

"Wow so un-kinky. You have heard what some of his personal guards have said right?"

"Yeah the screams and moans right?" Dex asked puzzled. He had assumed that Adam was torturing evil and vile humans.

"Yeah everyone assumes he's having nightmares or is torturing people. But I was on guard one time and I was curious. So I opened the door slightly. All I could see was a bunch of clothes on the floor."

"Maybe he tortured the person while they were naked." Dex asked clearly grasping at straws.

"Did he have to be naked also?" Jim said raising an eyebrow

"Well no but I mean that doesn't prove anything?" Dex asked still incredulous

"Dude it might have been painful but whatever was happening was painful but it wasn't torture if you catch my drift." Jim said winking.

Deep in the White Fang Base-

"Oh god slap me. Yes Yes Yes YES oh my god I have been so naughty!" a voice screamed

"Call me daddy you worthless peice of scum!" a certain bull faunas shouted

"Oh god yes daddy tie it tighter."

"Holy shit out leader is a masochist." Dex said incredulous

"That's what I was saying. Hey, by the way, how old is Adam?" Jim asked innocently

"I think he's in his mid-twenties, why?" Dex replied thoughts racing through his head

"Well that would totally make him a pedophile if he banged Blake."

 **Silence**

"Holy shit our leader is a masochist pedophile." What the fuck have I gotten myself into Dex thought to himself.

"Wait how did we start talking about this?" Jim said while thinking about how his mission to demoralize the White Fang was going well. Ozpin will be pleased.

 ** _Authors_** **note**

 **Well did you like it? Do you think the rating should be higher? Let me know in a review.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chap 2

Somewhere in Vale still

Jim and Dex were once again on guard duty. Dex was clearly anxious and had avoided Jim like the plague all week. JIm on the other hand was looked bored and yawned for the ninth time in a half an hour.

"Hey Dex?" JIm asked trying to get out of boredom by bothering Dex

"What!?" Dex answered perhaps a little to loudly

"You ever wonder why-" before he could finish Dex hastily interrupted him

"Nope I don't wonder anything at all. There is absolutely nothing to wonder about. Nobody is into BDSM and nobody is a pedophile."

After a minute of silence

"Um what?"

"No we are not talking about anything weird anymore."

"Oh you're still thinking about that? Well I was just gonna wonder why we are outside." Jim shrugged

"Oh okay thats an okay topic I guess. Why did you want to talk about?"

"Well I mean we are standing outside right?"

"Yep"

"In the middle of a hostile city."

"Yep" Dex answered not seeing his partners point but glad to not be talking about masochists

"And we are in full White Fang Gear."

"Yep" popping the P sound

"Did you not hear any of that?" Jim asked annoyed

"Hear any of what?"

"That we are in the middle of a hostile city, wearing our Uniforms and standing outside in broad daylight."

"Oh yeah I guess that is weird. I never really thought about it."

"I mean sure we are in an alleyway but if someone just looks down it we are totally fucked."

"Yeah I guess so."

"So why are we outside then. Why aren't we on the roof with like, I don't know sniper rifles or binoculars."

"Or night vision." Dex said remembering one of his history class

"Yeah sure or night vision I guess" Jim said confused "But that's besides the point. Why are we out here in full view of people it seems really dumb to me."

"Yeah I guess so."

"It's almost like our leaders have no idea what they are doing."

"C'mon man they know what they are doing."

"Do they though?"

"Of course they do." Dex answered proudly even as Jim smirked to himself.

"Well remember that time we attacked the mine in Silver Valley?"

"Yeah I guess so."

"Our leaders just kinda sent us there. They had no intel on it at all. Turned out there was an Atlas specialist in it. That one dude wiped out like fifty of our guys."

"Ok I guess so."

"Yeah and remember our base in Red River."

"That was the one that they spent a lot of money on right?"

"Yep they spent more than a million Lien on it. Somehow the forgot to survey the land well and the built it directly on a fault line. Like how do you even mess up that badly"

"That's not really their fault though. That's like the contractor's fault."

"Yeah but who hired the contractors. Also they could easily hire the best of the best. Do you know how much shit we've stolen." Not waiting for an answer he continued "This month alone we've stolen half a million lien. Sure a lot of that guys into pay and maintenance but I mean c'mon right. That's just kinda a dumb decision."

Dex put on his thinking cap "Hey what does happen with all the money?"

"Pardon?" Jim said genuinely confused. He hadn't expected his partner to ask any questions.

"What happens with the money?"

"I mean its not like they have much to do with it." JIm said. He had been preparing to do research into this topic but he hadn't had enough times

"Do you think they hold crazy parties?"

"What no of course they don't."

The two Faunas looked at each and blinked a couple of times.

Some club somewhere in Vale

Adam stood with both his arms around two hookers and two glasses of rum in each hand at the roulette wheel.

"Twenty-two black, Twenty-two black, Twenty-two black, Black ass son of a bitch." It landed on a red. Adam slowly turned to see a huge dark Vacoan standing behind him. "Not you gaint Vacoan man. I'm sorry, can I offer you a drink? Maybe these expensive prostitutes."

The man sighed and walked away. Adam disentangled himself from his hookers and walked over to his Lieutenant who was receiving a lap dance.

"Yo Derrick my man. You still got the LSD right?"

"Nah man I gave it to Connor over there." He gestured to a faunas sitting in the corner staring of in a blank daze his eyes glaze over as fuck.

"Alright thanks mate." Adam as he stumbled over to Connor

"Yo Connor my man. I heard you got the LSD, does that be the truth my homie?"

Wordlessly Connor reached into his pocket, still staring at nothing, and handed him five pills.

"Isn't five overdoing it?"

Shake of the head

"Alright then whatever." Adam said as He popped the pills into his mouth.

"Yeah there's no way they would party and waste White Fang money on drugs right?" Dex said. It sounded more like he was trying to convince himself.

Jim shrugged he actually had no idea. His spying so far hadn't revealed any of this so far.

"I mean no there's no way they would do that?" Dex continued

"Well what else do they do with the money?" Jim asked

"They probably have it in safe keeping."

"Then why were our checks late? And we only received them after the huge bank robbery."

"Shit. Fuck damnit to hell. Our leaders are a bunch of party animals."

"Hey was that a joke."

"What?" Dex asked his train of thought completely derailed.

"Party 'animals' you know since we are like part animal"

"You just made it worse."

Ozpin would be really impressed Jim thought to himself. Qrow would laugh his ass of at these stories he thought to himself. A few more weeks and the White Fang will have hundreds of deserters.


	3. Chapter 3

Chap 3

 **Somewhere on Remnant**

"Fucking shit!" Jim cried as he cleared more brush with his machete

"Hey quiet down." Dex whispered to him

"You know what? Fuck that. I can't believe we got assigned this bullshit mission. The leaders finally decide to do recon and bam they dropped us of five miles from the correct location." Jim angrily muttered

"Well at least we are out taking action."

"Hey do you mind if I ask a question?"

"Besides that one sure go ahead."

"Do you ever wonder where the fuck we are?" Jim asked

"Well we aren't in Atlas because we would be in snow then."

"No shit."

Unfazed by his partners sarcasm Dex continued "We also aren't in Vacuo because then we would be walking through sand."

"Once again no shit." Jim again angrily muttered and glared at Dex

"So I think it's safe to assume we are in Mistral or Vale"

"Hey bro?"

"What?"

"No Shit."

 **Some hours later**

 **Somewhere in Vale or Mistral?**

Dex had the sniper rifle and was looking at the enemy base. Jim was bored.

"Hey you know what would be weird?"

"What?"

"If you combined a sniper rifle with a scythe."

"... Why would you do that? It seems really impractical."

"Yeah, that's why I said it would be weird. You dipshit."

"Imagine the amount of work you would have to put into it. It would have to be a complex mecha-shifting weapon."

"If you damaged one part in the middle of battle it probably wouldn't change back and forth." Jim added

A few minutes of silence was broken by Jim.

"Hey man can I have the sniper rifle?"

"No"

"Please" Jim whined

"No" Dex remained resolute

"Well what are they doing then?"

"Their just standing there."

"Really, you would expect more at a military base even if it is in the middle of nowhere right?"

"What, no of course they're doing something. That was sarcasm." Dex was confused he had expected Jim to pick up on it

"It wasn't really good." Jim sniffed

"I learned by watching you." Dex whined

"... I'm not gonna acknowledge that alright? But seriously what are they doing."

"Well it looks like an Atlas military base. And it looks like their drilling."

"What's that."

"What?"

"Drilling? What's that?"

"You know when you work out and practice combat situations."

"That's weird. We have always, you know, kind of just went with the flow." Jim said as he motioned his arm into a river.

"Yeah it explains why we lose so often."

"Yeah maybe if we did stuff other than lifting boxes and getting yelled at by humans we would be better."

"Damn I hate to say it but I'm kinda jealous of the Atlas military. They have good officers who don't do LSD all the time and aren't pedophiles." Dex said wistfully

"Well when you put it like that we suck." Jim laughed

"Yeah I mean all we really do is stand around and talk."

"Oh you don't like our talks." Jim said a fake pout forming on his lips

"Yep. I really hate our talks. I preferred being an ignorant grunt. Now I'm a knowledgeable grunt and in the middle of hostile territory." Dex moaned

"Well you know what they say 'Knowledge is Power'." Jim laughed again

"Shut up."

"Sure whatever. So what are they doing now."

"They are still drilling. Oum above this recon is gonna be boring as hell." Dex complained

"I can make it less boring."

"Jim that sounds really weird. LIke a really weird sexual innuendo."

"Wha- oh shit. At the risk of sounding kinda cliche. We aren't alone."

At this the two faunas looked at each other then slowly turned to face the tall Atlesian Soldier pointing his rifle at their faces.

"Hey Jim you did sound kind of cliche." Dex said a nervous smile on his face

The soldier behind them didn't look amused at all.

Jim considering himself the people person tried to start talking with him."Sup smiley. How about you put that gun down and we don't kill you." Jim bluffed

The soldier still didn't look amused "I've been listening to you guys for the past half an hour. Are all White Fang members this dumb." He asked confused

"Hey what's that supposed to mean" Dex asked incredulous

Jim couldn't resist "Oum above you really are thick. He's calling us dumb you idiot."

The Atlesian soldier was wondering how they hadn't defeated the White Fang if these were the average members. Also if what they said about having drugged up pedophiles as leaders he was even more confused. This would have to be reported to General Cooter.

"Alright you two up I'm bringing you back to base."

"Can you not?"

"No"

"No you won't not or no you won't"

"What?" the Soldier asked

Dex just laughed finally having someone else share in the suffering that was Jim.

"Yo Smiley what's your name?" JIm asked

"Jorge."

"Wow Smiley your parents must have hated you."

Jorge just sighed internally. Guessing it would be an annoying walk to the base.

 **In an Atlas military base somewhere in Vale or Mistral.**

Jorge was standing in front of a woman taller than him. She was muscular and had shoulders like a bull. All the men in her army were afraid of her as she had a very short temper. She had slayed a hundred men in duels and hundreds of grimm on the battlefield. She had personally taken down an elder goliath by herself with her bare hands. Yes this was the feared General Cooter.

"Yes General that is exactly what happened." Jorge stoically stated

"How haven't we defeated them already?" The general's aide asked.

"That is a very good question." The general said confused

"I think that the White Fang leaders must be very motivated based on what the two scouts have stated so far. It's hard to believe that an entire terrorist organization fighting for the equality of one race of people is being lead by a bunch of drugged up sex offenders."

 **In an Atlas military Prison somewhere in Vale or Mistral.**

Jim was bouncing a rubber ball against the wall over and over and over and over and ov-

"Dude can you fucking stop it?"

Jim paused looked at his ball then at Dex and started to bounce it again.

"Nope" Jim said popping the p.

"Hey where did you even get the ball?"

"I come prepared."

"You came prepared to get locked up in an Atlesian Military base?"

"Of course not. I came prepared for boredom."

"I hate my life." Dex moaned

 **Author's Note**

 **Sorry I didn't think this one was that funny. I almost didn't even put it up. If you have any suggestions for me leave a review. If you like this give a fav or follow.**

 **Thanks for Reading :)**


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